


Choices

by PoetsReach



Category: Brokeback Mountain (2005), Original Work
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Brief mention of abortion, M/M, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2019-06-19
Packaged: 2020-05-14 13:49:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19274596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PoetsReach/pseuds/PoetsReach
Summary: The boys, young men now he supposed now that Bobbie and Merc had graduated from high school and all, had just returned to Farmingdale the night before. The band was mid-way through its third summer making the rounds of festivals and was making it onto the bigger stages finally, much to Merc’s delight.





	Choices

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Reconciliation](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/491449) by wordsmithslash. 



> So this is a fanfic of a fanfic of a fanfic. I just re read Reconciliation By Wordsmithslash over on LJ. Which is a fanfic of Mad_Lori’s Human Interest vers, also on LJ (not sure if she plans to add it to AO3). Both are amazing and you should read them if you haven’t. This started bouncing around in my head (because everything gets turned into Mpreg in my head, I don’t know why, leave me to suffer in peace.)

Ennis made his way into the kitchen from his morning rounds checking on the ranch to find Merc, Jake and Heph all gathered around the table, which was piled high with pancakes. Bobbie was by the stove just starting on the eggs. The boys, young men now he supposed now that Bobbie and Merc had graduated from high school and all, had just returned to Farmingdale the night before. The band was mid-way through its third summer making the rounds of festivals and was making it onto the bigger stages finally, much to Merc’s delight. They had invested in a camper this year and had spent most of the previous winter and spring making it run and then making it livable and, at least from the phone calls home, seemed not to regret the purchase or the months spent on it. He briefly wondered where Elenore was, not usually one to pass up time with Bobbie, or a breakfast cooked by him for that matter, before realizing how early it still was. She was at an age where if you wanted to get her up before ten in the summer you might want to bring a bucket of ice water. Ennis shook his head at the mostly friendly bickering going on between the boys and went to make himself coffee. 

The smell of eggs cooking was just starting to fill the kitchen when he heard the sound of a chair falling over as someone stood to fast and the sound of running footsteps down the back hall before what was probably the bathroom door slammed. He suspected it was Heph from the sound of the footfalls, he was by far the heaviest of them, Merc being nearly as tall, but slimmer. When he turned his suspicions were confirmed as he saw Jake stand and follow his boyfriend down the hall, stopping to knock on the bathroom door and call out, asking if he was all right. 

Bobbie turned to him answered the question that must have been on his face. “He’s been sick.”

“How long?”

“Bout a week maybe, feels fine most of the time, just keeps puking. We’ve been lucky he hasn’t felt sick on stage, though it was a close thing couple times.”

Ennis was careful to keep the sudden panic off his face and out of his voice. No reason to scare them when it could be nothing. Could be just a bug. “Might just go check on him.” He turned down the hall before he could see the surprised looks on Bobbie and Merc.

Heph spat into the bowl and breathed through another wave of nausea, realizing that Jake was on the other side of the door, asking him if it was okay to come in. “Just give me a minute?” There was a pause, then a gruffer voice spoke up. 

“Jake, why don’t you head back to the kitchen, get Bobbie to get rid of those eggs. Don’t seem like the smell’s agreeing with him today.” To Heph’s surprise he heard a grudging agreement from his boyfriend and then his receding footsteps. Then there was another knock. “Heph, son, it okay if I come in? Think there might be somethin needs to be talked about.”

Heph wasn’t sure what Ennis could mean, but he was surprised enough by the request that he found himself agreeing. The door opened and Ennis stepped inside before closing it again. He couldn’t seem to really look at Heph, but he sat down on the floor across from him, up against the tub, and fidgeted with his cuffs. Heph wasn’t sure what he expected him to say, but what he finally said definitely wasn’t it. “Your mom get you tested when you were a kid?” At Heph’s blank look he clarified. “For a womb, see if you could carry a child.”

Heph’s face creased in confusion. “Why would she?”

“Some folks do. Mine did. Tried to have me fixed. Didn’t take. Doctor must have faked it.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Bobbie says you been sick, a lot. I know it ain’t so common, but you should see a doctor, just to be sure.” With that Ennis stood and turned to go, but stopped when Heph called for him to wait, turning back to look. 

“Wait, Ellen?”

Ennis heaved a sigh before answering. “Yeah. But she doesn't know, so don’t go mentioning it.” He paused before adding. “Make sure to find a doctor you trust to keep quiet. The law ain’t on your side if you want to keep it and they go round talking. If you ever need to talk… You know where to find me.” With that he gave a nod and walked through the door leaving Heph to deal with the possibility he had brought up.

Heph was still sat by the toilet, trying not to panic, when Jake came in. “What did he want to talk to you about?” Heph looked up at his boyfriend where he had sat on the edge of the tub and held out a hand to be helped up. He rinsed the sick out of his mouth while Jake rubbed his back in the comforting way he liked and had the urge to spill the entire conversation, immediately followed by what he knew was a baseless surge of fear and heard himself answer “Nothing much, just checking on me,” instead. He told himself he would tell Jake when he found out if there was anything to tell. There probably wasn’t, it wasn’t common, almost never happened. Though given the bomb Ennis just dropped about himself it might happen more often than people thought. Everyone in Farmingdale knew the ten-year-old Ellen as the child of Ennis and an unnamed woman from back in Wyoming who hadn’t wanted her, had sent her to him when she was born, only a few months after he and Jack had arrived in Farmingdale. Though this explained why she looked an awful lot like Jack. 

The next morning Heph left Jake at home, telling him he just had a couple errands to run and that he should go ahead and sleep in. When he got to the Brokeback he skipped the house and went right around to the barn hoping to find Ennis without running into Bobbie first. He did find him, alone, fussing with something Heph didn’t know enough about ranching to identify. They just stood for a moment, looking at each other, before Ennis indicated a bench off to the side, out of sight of the door and they both sat, it was Ennis who finally broke the awkward silence that sat heavy between them. “Well?”

“I don’t know if you’re right, but you could be.” Heph scuffed the tow of his boot on the floor as he spoke. “But you could be. And I don’t know what I would do. What Jake would think.” He paused for a moment and Ennis stayed quiet, letting him gather his thoughts. “You said if I wanted to try keeping it, if there’s something to keep, I’d need a doctor who’d keep quiet?”

“Law says if a man carries a baby the baby goes to the state, up for adoption. S’why we told folks what we do about Elenore.”

Heph nodded and picked at a frayed spot on his jeans. “Ever gonna tell her the truth?”

“When she’s old enough to understand, keep a secret. Can’t ask a child to lie, s’not fair.” He smiled slightly before adding, “Already calls Jack daddy half the time anyway.” He gave Heph a hard look. “Don’t think you came to ask me just that though.”

Heph shook his head and got to the point of this visit. “What doctor’s safe?” If he really was he didn’t know what he’d do, but he figured he should keep his options open right?

Ennis grunted and nodded. “Nate Landeskog stepped in during Elenore’s birth. Far as I know he’s never said anything. Used to run his own office, think he works at a clinic in Burlington now.”

Heph nodded and stood abruptly. “Thanks, uh…”

“Nothing to thank me for.” Ennis stood and nodded to Heph before going back to whatever it was, he was doing before his arrival. 

Heph stopped at the new town library before stopping on the way home for something for breakfast, they hadn’t restocked the kitchen yet. At the library he looked up the number for the clinic in Burlington, there were two. He had to call both to find where Dr Landeskog practiced, it was a walk-in clinic so he couldn’t make an appointment, but they told him Dr Landeskog would be working all day Wednesday. If he spent today and part of tomorrow in the forge, he could finish up the custom gate and have an excuse to drive out to Burlington to deliver it. He refused to think about why he was hiding all of this from Jake.

The clinic took up the first floor of a three-story brick building near the university campus and was overall very nondescript. He couldn’t meet the eyes of the young woman who sat at the reception desk as he asked if Dr Landeskog was in. 

“He is in today, but he just went in with a patient, if you’re okay with someone else we can see you in about five minutes, Ms. Avery, one of our nurses, is just finishing cleaning one of the exam rooms and can get you started, and Dr Lang is due back from lunch any minute.”

“I can wait for Dr Landeskog. Thanks.”

“It’ll be at least half an hour, are you sure?”

Heph just nodded and went to sit on one of the waiting room chairs in the corner. He leaned against the wall and closed his eyes, settling in to wait. He startled what felt like a few moments later as someone was tapping on the wall next to him. He looked up at the tall blond, probably in his 40’s and noticed a name tag that proclaimed him to be ‘Dr. Landeskog’. The man was smiling at him as he tucked his hands into the pockets of his white coat. “I hear you asked for me specifically.” When Heph just nodded he continued. “All right then, why don’t you follow me, and we’ll head back to the exam room.”

Heph settled in on the exam table and didn’t look at the doctor where he sat by the desk. When he was silent for a moment the doctor started things off. “What brings you here today?”

“Mr. Del Mar recommended you. Said you were safe.”

Nate wracked his brain trying to figure out who this Mr. Del Mar was and came up blank. “I’m sorry, I don’t remember. You’re going to have to help me out here.”

“You helped him out of a tough spot about ten years ago, in Farmingdale.” Heph was reluctant to go into too much detail, especially since he didn’t know much.

Nate had only practiced in Farmingdale for about a year, doing work in the local clinic. It sounded like this young man expected him to remember whatever this was, but nothing much of note had happened except… Shit, he had heard the name Del Mar before. “I think I remember meeting someone by that name actually, you say he recommended me?”

Heph nodded. “Says you’re discreet.”

“And you need some discretion?”

“Not sure, he thinks I might.”

“You been sick lately, more tired than usual?”

“Yeah. Couple weeks now.”

“Let’s find out for sure then. Do you know for sure you could be?”

“Mom never got any of us tested.” It really wasn’t Laura Owens’ style. Most parents only did it if they disapproved.

“Let’s start by finding that out then. I’m sorry, but this might be a little uncomfortable, I’m going to have to do an internal examination.” The young man grimaced, and he sighed. “I know, but the faster we get this part done the sooner it will be over with.” He left the room to give some semblance of privacy while Heph changed into the paper gown. 

Nate didn’t take long doing the exam and was soon throwing away his gloves and handing Heph a towel before making his proclamation. “Well, you definitely have the equipment, and I suspect you might be right.” He went rummaging in one of the cabinets, pulling out a home pregnancy test and a cup for a urine specimen and holding them out to the young man who had gone pail. “Normally we would do a blood test, but since you might not want to leave a paper trail I’ll hold off on that unless it looks like something is wrong. Bathroom is down the hall on your right. Read the instructions. Pee on the stick or in the little cup, and bring it back here in the plastic bag, here’s one. I’ll read it for you.” 

Heph nodded, took the box, and headed down the hall. Nate thought he looked like he was walking to his judgement and knew what it would be already. When he came back and silently handed over the bag they sat with out speaking for the minutes until the test could be read. When Nate checked it the results were clear thankfully. They wouldn’t have to do it again. They were however positive. “It’s positive.” He looked up at the young man across from him. He was closely examining his work boots. When he finally looked up, he just nodded and made as if to get up and leave before thinking better of it and rubbing at his face with both hands for a moment. When it became clear that he wasn’t going to say anything Nate prompted him a bit. “Do you want to discuss options?” At the nod he continued. “In your position abortion would be legal, as would putting the child up for adoption. If you want to continue with the pregnancy and raise the child yourself things get a bit more complicated, but I will do everything I can to make it happen.” He hesitated. “The decision to go ahead with the pregnancy or terminate is entirely yours, but if you have a partner, or boyfriend, I would suggest bringing them into the discussion, so you have everything you need to make a fully informed decision.”

“You think I should talk to him?”

“Is he good to you? Do you trust him?”

“Yes.” There was a pause and a heavy breath. “I need to talk to him. Can I come back later and decide?”

Nate gave the young man a small smile and nodded. “I’m here Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. Call ahead and just ask that they let me know you’re coming, and I’ll do what I can to be free to see you when you get here.” He hesitated for a moment but decided to make the offer. “If you want, I can get you some prenatal vitamins before you go.”

Heph tried not to think too much about why he said yes as he walked back to where his truck was parked, a paper bag, with a large bottle of vitamins inside it, in hand. 

When he got home Heph realized that Jake was out visiting at the salon at the mall, he had given up working there during the summer since the band had started making them all enough money with the festival circuit during the season and all the travel made it hard to keep up a schedule . It was easier just to drop the job for the couple months they were on the road so much and he was good enough, and well liked enough, that they took him back in the fall. But he wasn’t home now was the point. Heph briefly considered going to find him at the mall but decided this was a conversation they really needed to have in private.

It was only about an hour later that Jake came down the stairs to their bedroom. The sound of him on the stairs woke Heph from the doze he had fallen into. Before he could think better of it again, before he was even properly awake, Heph blurted it out. “I’m pregnant.”

Jake froze and turned a wide-eyed look on him, opening and closing his mouth a few times before he managed to actually say anything. When he did Heph thought his voice was a little squeaky. “You’re what?”

“Pregnant, if I don’t do anything about it, I’m gonna get all big and there’ll be a baby at the end.”

“You’re already big?”

Heph cracked up, he couldn’t help it. Jake was clearly out of it, thrown for a loop. Then he couldn’t stop laughing, then the laughter started to turn into great heaving sobs that shook him deep in his chest. 

Jake finally snapped out of it. 

“Hay, babe, babe, it’s gonna be okay, it’ll be okay, we’ll figure it out, we will…” He fit himself in behind his boyfriend on the bed and wrapped him tight in his arms, holding him until the sobs subsided and his breathing finally evened out. 

Wrung out from the hard cry, Heph fell into an exhausted sleep despite having just woken up. Jake made sure Heph was really asleep before slumping back against the bed to stair up at the ceiling. “Fuck.” After a quick check again to make sure Heph was still asleep after his little deceleration he relaxed. But really, fuck. His 20-year-old boyfriend was pregnant. Did Heph want to stay pregnant, or did he want to abort? They weren’t prepared for a baby. His mother had been so upset that he would never be able to build a family of his own, but somehow, he didn’t think this was what she had in mind. And did he want this, right now? Was he ready? He was only 21 himself, Heph was just almost 21. They couldn’t be ready. But that might not matter, if Heph decided he wanted to go through with this there was no way Jake was leaving him to deal with it alone. He settled in to wait for Heph to wake up.

When Jake woke it was to Heph draped all over him and tracing patterns on his shoulder. “Hay, how you feeling?”

Heph just shrugged and kept up with the patterns.

“How long have you known?” Jake hadn't meant to say that. It sounded kind of accusing coming out of his mouth.

“For sure? Just today. But…” Heph trailed off. Jake was just starting to think that he wasn’t going to elaborate further when Heph picked it back up again. “But I kind of figured since Ennis suggested it.”

Jake did a double take at that. “Ennis?!” When did you two talk? I’m not sure I’ve ever heard him say more than three words in a row. He’s worse that’s you about that.”

“Hay.” The rebuke in Heph’s voice was mild and Jake saw a smile hovering at the corner of his lips. “When I was puking in the bathroom, morning we got back.”

“Huh.”

“So, what do you think?” Heph was trying to hide the nerves, but he could tell Jake heard them by the way he hugged him a little tighter. 

“I’m with you, whatever you decide… Do you know what you want yet?”

Heph hadn’t known what he wanted at all when Jake got home. But now, with Jake telling him he was with him no matter what, he had a better idea. He just didn’t know if they could pull it off. He fixed his eyes on his hand where he was still tracing patterns on Jake’s bare shoulder. “I want to keep it, I think.”


End file.
